The Chain That Binds
by darksaber
Summary: With Rei's sudden appearance, mysteries of a distraught world begin to haunt Asuka as she begins to realize her feelings towards Shinji.
1. Chapter 1

The Chains That Bind Us

-darksaber

Nothing binds like pain in one's heart. Nothing breaks like that pain as well. Pain they say is proof of one's existence. So the longings we have to connect, to feel, to love, to hate, to break free, to protect, to destroy are all there because we are alive. It all seems futile. Life seems so meaningless. And yet death is a fear naturally imprinted deep into our being. Such is a dilemma of living.

This apartment, dark, cluttered, and ruined, is a place I once lived in. I've had two roommates living with me here in the past. Their voices haunt the walls of this place. One has passed on, sacrificed herself to save me. Why? I keep asking myself. Why? I keep asking her her image every time I close my eyes. My life is worthless. I am a failure. I, who you you believe is the last hope for mankind's survival, has become the instrument of it's demise. Tears run down my face as the loneliness, shame, and hatred rush through me once again.

I have heard from Kaji how that incident, the second impact, took away those you hold dear. How, in an instant, you were all alone in the world. Because of that I felt you somehow understood. I grew fond of you. And I've ended up taking you for granted. With you gone, I've realized how much faith you have placed in me. And all that makes my betrayal of your trust seem so much more unforgivable.

My watch was beeping. I however did not notice that until the sun's rays blinded me. The sun has risen. It was time I go to her. My comrade in arms. The only one I have left in this world. The only other survivor as far as I can tell. It pains me to know that despite her survival, the state she is at now could be barely called living.

I walked the deserted streets of Neo-Tokyo. The once busy street has become a ghost town. The city though, despite this condition, has sustained me. I salvage food, clothes, and other various supplies I have ever needed from convenience stores, various shops, and even the abandoned homes of the residents of this city.

As a gust of wind blew past me, I thought how much colder everything was with everyone gone. The silence was deafening. Many times have I screamed, till I was left breathless, just to drive the silence away. To drive the insanity that has slowly been creeping into my mind. It seems so pointless though. No matter how much or how long i scream, the silence is always there to follow it.

In the midst of all the vestiges of war, she has become my only refuge in this god forsaken place. The fiery demoness that has always been like an angel to me. Well, angel in a traditional sense. She has become so vital to me. Is this love? I have asked myself a multitude of times. Or is it just my longing for contact with another that splurged these feelings? I try to remember how it was like before. I try to remember if I had harbored these feelings from the start. I am unsure of the answers. Reality and fantasy has intertwined to the point where I could no longer distinguish from the two.

I reached the hospital where she lies in life support. Her mind was unable to cope with the manic battles we had. She survived the mind rape only to be put down again. My foot steps reverberate across the empty halls. The lights flicker as I walked by. It puzzles me how the nuclear generator powering the city survived the onslaught of the enemy, yet mankind itself did not. How all these buildings, bridges, statues, all these relics to man's greatness outlived its creator. It worries me though. The relics are all succumbing to nature's elements. Soon the relics will join the creator to oblivion. I hope that happens after my time left on earth though.

I enter her room and see the life support that was feeding her. Keeping her alive despite her catatonic state. I went to open the window and to let fresh air and light in. The curtains blew past me with the wind. I instinctively close my eyes and as I opened them again. My eyes fell to where she lay. The veil that surrounded her bed swayed with the wind as the sun lit up and illuminated the white sheets of her bed. The scene looked dreamy.

For a moment I see her sitting up. She had a beautiful smile on her face. I see myself reaching out and gently sweep the hair that fell across her face with the tips of my fingers. I could feel my fingers brush across her warm soft skin as I lost myself in her glistening blue eyes. I feel a warm twinge in my chest as I move my hand to cup the side of her face. Her eyes closed as she held her hands to mine.

The wind blew past me again. And as the veil grazed against me, I found my hand on a spiritless Asuka. My imagination has run wild again. Before me I saw the once radiant auburn of her hair dulled, the glistening eyes that had just bewitched me torpid, her soft warm skin had become pale and sickly. I looked at her hoping that she would come alive again. Hoping she would come alive even if it be just another dream.

My hand ran across her cheek tracing her once feisty features. I found her lovely despite her pallid complexion. I drew close to her and whispered her name. I greeted her good morning as cheerfully as I could. It feels painful to smile though.

My gaze fell on a small scar by her temple. I know there is another even larger scar that ran across her arm where broken bone had once pierced. If I look closely I could see scars in other parts of her body. Scars caused by the relentless battles. All these scars that have permanently marked her, are they for nothing?

The scars reminded me of the times she had stood by my side in our battles with the angels. I could not help but be amazed by her confidence; the sheer will that pushed her forward, her thirst to be the best, to be victorious. With her by my side, I really believed that we could win. In all probability, we should have won. Misato is not the only one I have failed. I feel deep repentance for what I had done. All her scars, I've taken away their significance.

Hours past and I was just sitting there. My eyes following her steady yet weak breathing. I was entranced, as though I was being hypnotized. Visions of how she used to be flashed back in my mind. Visions on how she put me down to raise herself up, when she would brag and draw as much attention to herself, came to mind. How we had to live, eat, sleep, and even breathe together, just to be in perfect sync. How she literally took my breath away as we shared a kiss. How she cried at night as she was haunted by the memories of her past. I was drawn by her spirit. I was drawn by her sadness.

My gazed then fell to her chest, and how it very slightly rose when she took a faint breath. Deviant thoughts corrupted me as I was noticing her supple breasts. Despite good judgment, I found myself caressing her. I felt her softness in the palm of my hands. Thoughtlessly I even opened up her gown and touched her with out prevarication. My hands were shaking as I touched her skin that was still smooth and soft despite her current sate. I felt excited. I could not bring myself to stop. I traced her lips with my fingers, lightly, feeling every inch. I relished every second that I felt her before I went in and kissed her. I became lost in my desires. And when I came to, I had realized that I had once more pleasured myself at her expense.

I felt sick to my stomach with what I had done once again. And I hated the fact that I have grown bolder and more perverse each time. It seems each time I do this, I am pushed to draw the line further and further from where it should have been. I wash her clean knowing very well, that with what I have done, I had dirtied her in ways that could not be simply washed away. Despite knowing, despite all morals, I did what I did. And Despite regret, I know I won't be able to stop myself from doing it again.

I then asked myself, did I do this because of the feelings I have for her? If it was someone else, would I be doing the same thing to them? If I had truly loved her, how could I shame her by doing all these sick things? Has she simply become some sort of release for me? Have I mistaken pent-up lust for love? But despite all rationales I know that I have wronged her. I am despicable. This will have to be kept a secret. But still I should be held accountable for what I have done. I should be punished, not only for what I have just done to Asuka, but for every single one of my sins. I just want to be released from everything, I wish to be released from all the pain and suffering.

I left the hospital and walked. I walked and I walked with no particular destination in mind. I was looking for someplace to end my pathetic existance. And as though I were guided by some mysterious force, I found myself on a roadside overlooking the entire city. The sight looked so familiar with the sun setting the city on a lime light as it slowly descended into the horizon. To protect the city, to protect its people, to protect what it represents, that has been the reason why we fight, why we had to sacrifice lives. It all seems so meaningless now.

Perhaps it would have been better to have just given up. That would have saved everyone from the pain and misery caused by the war against the angels. If we had just closed our eyes, spread our arms, and accepted our demise, it would have been over long ago. We would not have had to struggle. We would not have to see all those we hold dear die before our eyes. If we would have just accepted our end, I would not have had to bear all of this weight in my shoulders.

I could feel my despondency turn to rage. Why am I the one chosen to burden all these wretchedness? Why me? Why did I have to be the one who held the key to man's salvation. I never wanted that. It is no fault of mine if in the end I was unable to meet everybody's expectation. I cursed the city with all my might. I cursed every single one of those who put their faith in me. Anger surged through every iota of my being as I cursed everything about this vile and wicked world.

I fell to my feet weakened by my outburst. I felt so empty, lifeless, as I stared at the setting sun. I then realized, as I gazed at the red skies, why the scene had looked so familiar. It was here where Kaji had told me the truth about Nerv, about the Marduk Organization, about the second impact, about Evangelion. It was also here that Misato opened up to me and told me the reason behind her dedication to her job, why she wanted me to pilot, and how she believed I could help save the world. This was where they placed their trust in me when no one else would.

No matter how much I hated it. No matter how much I regret. The fact remains that I could have saved mankind. I could have fulfilled the trust they instilled in me. What's worse is that not only did I fail, but I chose to fail. I trampled on the belief they had, on what had become their life's work. I've thrown away everything that they were. I should not have survived. I should have shared the fate of humanity and vanished into oblivion. I am a disgrace.

It seemed fitting that the city I have failed bear witness to my death. I know this will not suffice as atonement for all the wrong I have done but to continue living feels so wrong. I climb over the barrier and stood at the edge. The wind picked up and blew against me. I look down and see that it was a long way down to the hard concrete street below. Surely the height would be sufficient to bring about a fatal end to my miserable existence.

I took one last look at the sky before me. As the last rays were about to dissipate into the horizon the red sky seemed to have taken on hue of blood. How fitting I thought. That this day would end with my pathetic life. I am sorry Misato. I am sorry Kaji. You both believed in me. You passed on believing that I would fulfill what I needed to do. Forgive me Asuka. I know what I've done to you is horrible. I'm sorry everyone. I am just too weak. And with that final thought I closed my eyes leaned towards my end.

"Stop you idiot!" a voice shouted. I looked back and was surprised to see Asuka standing there. "Do you think you deserve release from your suffering?! Living is your punishment! Living with all your guilt and torment, that is your destiny now." I was in awe. She stood before me like she had in the past. Strong. Commanding. I then remembered what I had done to her.

"You're right..." I answered back unable to face her. Silence followed. I looked back up and saw that she was no longer there. Another delusion, I thought. She was never really there. But what she had said woke me up. I don't deserve death. What I deserve is what I have now. I should savor the pain for it is all that I should have. The misery, the regret, the loneliness, I should not escape all that is coming for me.

Hope however is cruel and I found myself wondering if it was really Asuka back there. Is she finally awake? It is very unlikely that it really was her. She could not have disappeared so suddenly. And yet here I am, wishing despite all odds, that it really was her.

I rush back to the hospital holding on to the tiniest of hope that when I get there she would be up and about. I wanted to hear her voice once again. I want to know that you're alright. I want to see the glimmer of your blue eyes. I want to hold you close in my arms. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to at least have you with me in this world.

But what if she really was awake? I thought to myself. What will happen now? How will she react to what has become to the world? How will she react to me? How would she react to knowing that we are the only two living survivors left on Earth? I could not stop my knees from shaking. I was feeling more and more anxious as I drew closer to the hospital.

I stood frozen before the hospital. The doubts and fears that had surfaced on the way over here started to overwhelm me. Could really face her after what I had been doing to her as she lay catatonic? I was afraid. I was afraid that she would break down knowing we had failed on our mission to save the world. I was afraid that she would realize that it was my fault humanity is all but extinct. I was afraid that, despite us being the only two survivors of humanity, she would rather be alone than be with me. I was afraid that the only other person on the world would hate me.

I fought all these fears. I deserve to be alone anyway. I deserve misery. Despite what I deserve, I wanted to see her again. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to hear her voice. I may just be longing for human contact but I can honestly say that feel for her. She has always held a special place in my heart.

I stood before her door. I could almost hear my heart beating rapidly as I felt sweat drip down from my chin. I reach for the knob and felt as if the steel was colder than it normally is. The door creaked as I slowly opened it. The sun had set by this time and the room was in darkness. I could not make out whether or not she was still in bed. I could still however see the life support running. Blinking the way it always does.

I moved to the switch to turn on lights. Then, out of the blue, I hear faint dripping close by. I then realized that drops of blood ran across from the room where Asuka lay. I turned around and saw her standing there. This was not the lively Asuka that had saved me. The Asuka I faced looked lethargic. She had a dull lifeless look in her eyes. Her auburn hair was unkempt and dishevelled. As far as I can tell, she must have wounded herself as she broke loose from her life support. I could still see the bloody tube hanging from her sides. But despite that, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I joy and relief rush over me.

A/N: After a very long time, I've written something here in fanfiction net. The title is pretty cliche, but that idea best fits and is the basis the story though. Tell me what you guys think.

Disclaimer: this should be a given


	2. Chapter 2

**The Chain That Binds**

_-darksaber_

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Chapter 2

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Where am I? I stare at the ceiling trying to think, trying to remember. My mind is blank. I am so confused. I feel like I have a lot of questions and yet I do not know what they are.

I try to move. It took great effort just to turn my head. I feel so drained. I see a chair beside the bed I am in. It is empty. I try to call out to anybody. 'Hello?' I tried to voice out. I could not hear myself say that though. Have I gone deaf? 'Hello?' I try calling out again, forcing myself to say just that one word. I can hear myself. My voice was so weak and scratchy. 'Is there anyone there?' I try to say. My voice was cut was cutting out as I struggled to say those words.

I try to get up. It is a lot harder than voicing out my thoughts. It took me some time before I finally was able to move my leg a little. I now tried to move my arm, move it so I could push myself up. I'm so weak that I feel exhausted just doing that. How long have I been in this bed? How long have I been asleep?

I was finally able to sit up. My head swayed as I did so. Sitting up had made me a bit dizzy. I rested for a bit. I was feeling a little bit of my strength returning now. I moved my leg again. I positioned myself so I could get up from this bed. I moved my other leg. I'm almost up. I moved my feet closer to the floor. I felt a twinge on my foot that crawled up to legs as it touched the cold floor. It was as though I had an electric shock shot up from my foot. I braced myself as I expected the same pain as my other foot touched the floor. I cringed my teeth as the second shock shot up my leg.

'I can do this!' I said to myself. I closed my eyes and, with burst of what little energy I had, stood myself up. I felt pleased with myself as I stood. But that was short lived. A second later, my knees buckled and I came crashing to the floor. I felt pain all over as I lay there in the floor. I lay there on the floor for some time before I felt I was ready to get up. I started slow. I got on my knees then, with my hands as support, got back up on my feet. It was then that I realized that I was bleeding from my side. There was plastic tube sticking out of me. I was bleeding from its junction. It hurts if I touch it so I just let it be.

I headed out the door and into the hallway. It was empty. I wandered the halls but could not hear or see a soul. I got to nurse's station and rang the bell. It echoed through the halls and yet no one came.

'Where is everybody?'

I was starting to become fearful. I wanted to get out of here. Maybe someone outside can help me. I found the stairs. The twisting steps looked to be a long way down. I hesitated. What if I fall down these steps? I'll look for an elevator instead. I headed back, searching for a way to get out of this place.

As I walked the hallways, I then thought I heard someone running at a distance. I headed for the sound. 'Is somebody there? Can you help me?' I thought and yet I found myself unable to voice out. The running sound stopped.

From the end of the hall I see someone. He was standing in front of a door. I was starting to feel very tired. I walked to towards him. Each step took great effort. I drew closer to him. I'm almost there. He suddenly went in the room. 'Wait!' I thought. 'Please don't go yet.'

As suddenly as he went in the room, I saw him come out. He looked straight at me. I know him. It's Shinji. He looks so haggard. I barely was able to recognize him. I see his face light up as we looked at each other. But I just felt so tired. My head started spinning and slowly the world around me turned to black.

I woke up looking at the same ceiling that I saw before. This time though, when I turned my head, Shinji now occupied the once vacant seat. His crossed arms lay on my bedside with his head resting on it. From his hands I see a bloodied plastic tube. I look to my side and found that it had been patched up. I found my hands running through his hair. He sleepily woke up and looked at me.

"Asuka? You're awake! How are you feeling?" he asked with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine" I replied, with my voice still a bit weak.

"That's good..." he said with a smile.

"You should rest up, okay?" he told me as he held the back of my hand.

"No... Shinji, get me out of this place..." I pleaded "I want to go home..."

He looked at me with sad eyes. I didn't understand what's going on but he managed a small smile and said "...Okay"

"Let me get you a wheel chair, you still seem to be a bit weak" He told me as he got up. He headed out the door and was gone for a few minutes. My mind was still blank, but I was glad to have him there to help me.

He arrived with the wheelchair and he helped me get on it. He led me out of the room, through the hallways, and down the elevator. Finally I was out of that horrid place. It was dark already and a bit chilly. Thankfully Shinji brought with him a blanket from the hospital which I gladly wrapped myself in. It was very quiet as we went through the streets. It was so empty. No cars, no people, nothing.

"Where is everybody?" I finally managed to ask.

Shinji was silent. It took sometime before he finally answered. "There is no one else.... I think." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked as my question just drew more questions.

"After the loss to the angels, humanity just went up and vanished..." He said as he diverted his eyes. Clearly he did not wish to speak about this subject. But I had to know. I have the right to know, right?

"Vanished? But... but why are WE still here?" I asked as I was getting more confused and scared.

"I... I don't know Asuka... I really don't know..." He replied. I could feel the sadness from that answer.

I fell silent. I have a lot more I want to know but I don't know what to ask anymore. I felt more confused than when I did not know what has happened.

We arrived at our apartment complex. It looked more like a dump than I remember. We got to our floor and made our way to our unit. I was surprised to find that the apartment looked so run down. There was garbage everywhere, with a number of boxes stock piled in the corner. The walls looked like it had gone through a beating.

"What the hell happened here!?" I blurted in disbelief

"I'm sorry..." Shinji suddenly said "I... I haven't been cleaning up since I got back..."

I fell silent. I did not want to go deeper into that. I was tired. I just wanted to rest.

"But your room should be fine!" He interjected happily "It should be just like how you left it"

And sure enough, my room was like how I left it; messy. But it was in far better condition than the condition than the rest of the apartment. I was taken aback though. I was half expecting that Shinji may have cleaned it up a little bit like before.

"Just like how I left it huh?" I asked sarcastically

"Yep! No one has gone into your room till now." He replied with a smile. I then remembered that I did tell him before that no one is to get in my room without my permission. I was glad he honoured his promise, but I still kind off wish he cleaned it a bit for me.

I sat on the wheel chair as Shinji set up my futon. I felt really helpless, having him do even that. I still smelled like that hospital. I wanted to take a bath.

"Shinji..."

"Yes?"

"...um ...nothing."

I felt embarrassed to asking him to set up the bath for me. I'll just get changed when he leaves and go to the bath myself later on.

"There! It's done." Shinji exclaimed as he got up from spreading out the futon. "Do you need help getting to bed?"

"No!" I quickly responded. "I can do it myself idiot!"

"Okay." He replied, somehow my outburst made him smile. "Call me if you need anything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah..." I said waving my hand dismissing him.

He quietly left my room and closed the door. I'm in my room. I look around and I see my stuff. I see my school uniform hanging by the door with my school bag close by. I see my dresses on the closet, some of which are cluttered on the floor below. I see my shoe on my desk. I wonder how it ended up there. I see my plush toys. I see a couple of my school books, still unwrapped in plastic. Everything is as it was. Somehow, despite everything looking like it did when I left, it feels different.

It was as though I haven't been here for a very, very long time. I haven't asked Shinji how long I've been asleep. Well in all probability I haven't been here for a long time.

I slowly got up. I still feel very sluggish. I walked to my closet, holding on to the desk and the walls as I did. I took out my pyjamas and a pair of underwear. I was about to change but as I was about to take off the hospital gown I got to smell my skin. I reek of hospital scent. I could not stand the stench. I had to bathe first.

I still a little bit wobbly but I think I feel a bit stronger now. I walked to the door with my change of clothes in hand. As I opened the door I smelled something good cooking.

"Oh, Asuka! I took out some frankfurter from our supplies, you love these things right?"

"Ah... Yeah" I replied somewhat astonished

"Great! And I even got us some champagne! This'll be like your welcome home and waking up party!" Shinji exclaimed. I could feel that he was forcing himself a little, but I was kind of glad still.

"Oh!" Shinji said as he saw the change of clothes I had with me. "Do you want to take a bath?"

I nodded in response.

"Okay, let me turn off the oven, I'll finish cooking while you take your bath. Sit down for now. I let me prepare your bath first."

"You don't have..." I tried to say. But he was already gone before I could finish.

I sat down on the living room chair. He must have cleaned up a little. It does not look as cluttered as when we first came in. But it still looked as though a storm came through here. Instinctively, I reached for the remote and turned on the television. Figures, none of the stations are broadcasting anymore. Disappointed I turned off the television.

Shinji's taking his time cleaning the bath. I see our game console. I thought about playing while waiting. But I decided against it. That would involve crouching and setting things up. I didn't feel like going through all that now. I ended up just sitting there, staring at the light bulb above me.

"Sorry it took so long" Shinji said as he finally came out. "The bath hasn't been used in a long time."

"You mean you haven't been taking a bath all this time!?" I asked disgusted

"No! Wait, I do take showers. I mean, since I was all alone I haven't bothered cleaning it anymore..." He admitted. He turned his face away as he did so, clearly embarrassed. I wonder how long he has been alone for things in the apartment to turn like it did. I was not sure how to respond.

" W-What-Whatever! I'm going to take my bath now!" I finally said as I headed there.

"Okay, I just put in fresh towels in the closet..." he said as he moved out of my way. "Oh! Asuka, you forgot your PJ's and your..."

I turned around and found him holding out my pyjamas and my underwear. He was trying to look away with his face clearly blushing. I could feel my face heat up as I reached and grabbed it.

"You pervert!" I cried out as I dashed to the bath.

I went in and slammed the door. My heart was throbbing. I grabbed by chest. I forced myself to calm down. After I calmed down, I laid my change of clothes down on the basket nearby. It took some effort getting out of the hospital gown. I could not stretch out so much. I then remembered that I do have a wound patched up on my side. I sat down on the stool and carefully washed myself, taking care not to touch my wound as I did so. I shampooed my hair. It felt good washing away all that grime and stickiness that built up on my hair. It was very refreshing to have the soap and water wash down my body.

Shinji prepared the tub for me. The water was steaming, it was so inviting. A soak in the hot tub was exactly what my enervated body needed. I went in slowly, bit by bit, until my I got entire body was submerged. I could feel the heat gradually warm up my bones.

As I got up from my soak in the tub, I felt a sharp pain coming from my sides. My wound! I forgot about it. I was bleeding through the bandage now. I didn't know what to do. I guess, as much as I hate to admit it, I will need to ask for help. I wrapped myself with a towel. My face was flushed. I can't believe I was about to do something so embarrassing.

"Shinji..." I called out

There was no response.

"Shinji!" I called out again.

Still no response?!

I was getting impatient. Here I am with only a towel and I'm about to ask something really embarrassing and he's ignoring me?! I opened the bathroom door and stuck my head out.

"SHINJI!!!" I yelled

"Huh? What is Asuka?" Shinji asked with a puzzled looked on his face.

"Didn't you hear me calling you!?"

"No... I didn't"

"Really!?" I asked quite sceptical

"Really! I swear... But anyway, what is it?" He asked

"I ahh... need a favour..." I said sensing myself flush "You see my wound..."

"Oh! Okay... wait let me get some bandages and stuff" He said not needing for me to finish.

I was a bit thankful he didn't wait for me to finish. I felt very embarrassed just saying it. I see him rush to the boxes stock piled in the corner. From there he eventually got out a packaged first aid kit like those you could get at pharmacies.

"Come over here and sit..." He said as he pulled up a chair for me.

"O-Okay..." I said as I walked towards him.

"Uh... how 'bout you put on some pants at least Asuka." Shinji said as he tried to look away.

"I-I-Idiot!" I cried out feeling my face redden even more than before.

I rushed to the bathroom. Put on my panties, and the lower half of my pyjamas. I was pondering if I should wear my bra but decided not to do so. I figured I might get some blood stains on it. So instead I used the towel I had on to cover my chest and headed over to Shinji.

I sat down on the chair as Shinji unpacked the first aid kit. I kept one hand holding up the towel against my chest while I raise the other to get it out of the way. Shinji then gently removed the bloodied bandage. I could tell he was carefully taking his time so as to make it sting as less as possible.

"I'm sorry..." He abruptly said

"Huh? Why?" I asked thinking he was up to his old annoying habit of apologizing again.

"I'm guessing you got this when you were soaking in the tub. The hot water must have opened your wound..." he said to me with such sincere sadness.

I could feel a chill run up my spine as I felt his fingers gently touch my skin. I could feel myself blush at that sensation.

"Don't worry about it" I finally said as I tried my hardest not to have him see my reddening face.

He then took some cotton from the kit, put in some iodine solution, and lightly cleaned my wound. I felt tingly as he ran the cotton over my skin. Surprisingly, I was enjoying it. He then finished things up by patching me up with fresh bandages.

"There you go Asuka. All done."

I was in a bit of a daze before he snapped me out of it by smiling and saying those words.

"Ahh... You're... You're welcome" I finally managed to say.

He looked at me a bit puzzled before I realized the stupid thing I just said.

"Thank you!" He said to me with a smile and a small chuckle.

"I-I-IDIOT!" I cried out, unable to hide my embarrassment any longer. I rushed back to the bathroom and quickly finished putting on my clothes. I hesitated going out. I could still feel the heat on my face. Shinji has been unusually nice to me since I woke up. I liked it.

We had dinner that night in silence. It was pretty awkward. But I didn't know what to say. I could still feel that my face was flushed as I ate my meal. The food he prepared tasted pretty good, but I could not get myself to praise his work. I wanted to ask him more about what happened though. I still wanted to know what happened to everybody. I wanted to know what happened to the angels. I had a lot of questions coming to mind. But I held off on that. I wanted to try to forget that for now and just enjoy our meal.

"Thank you for the meal." I finally managed to say.

"You're welcome!" He said back with a smile. "You should rest up! You had a little bit too much champagne."

I didn't notice it until he mentioned it but I was feeling a bit intoxicated. But I had been gulping down on champagne as if it was water. I was pretty restless during the meal and had been doing that without me realizing it. Shinji helped me to bed and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.

As I lay down asleep that night, I had a bizarre nightmare. It started out with me surrounded by total darkness. I was floating around the darkness with no foreseeable direction. I did not know which side was up or down. I didn't know if I was going anywhere. I was devoid of emotions. I was devoid of will. I could not get myself to move. My mind was telling me to break free from this darkness. And yet I found myself so very helpless.

Then from the darkness I could feel myself being touched. My mind was telling me to resist. I wanted to escape. My mind felt so disgusted. The hands that touched me grew bolder, touching me in more and more malicious places. I wanted to cry out. My mind is telling me that I was being defiled. That I was becoming an unclean woman. But despite my mind's objections, my heart still felt empty. It was as though I did not care. I seemed to have lost every single resolve to live. My body just stayed motionless, callous to the violation it was experiencing.

My mind was going mad. It begged my body to move. To resist. But it was so powerless to the assault. My mind was screaming for all this to stop. I tried to focus on what my assailant looked like. He was faceless. But I could see him take pleasure out of my body's detriment. I felt sickened by my own inaction. I was revolted with my own body. I was seething. My mind was still struggling till the end.

"Asuka! Wake up!"

I could hear that voice from the darkness.

"Wake up!"

In an instant I found myself back in my room. I was all sweaty and shaking. I see Shinji with a very concerned look in his face. I could not help the tears from flowing. I fell to his arms sobbing. His arms around my body gave me comfort, I felt safe. I closed my eyes tight as he held me close to his arms.

Then the image of the faceless assailant flashed in my mind. As if by reflex I pushed Shinji off me with all my might. For reasons unbeknown to myself, I was terrified. I just felt that I had to get him off me. For some reason I was reminded of that assault as I felt his touch.

"What's wrong Asuka?" Shinji asked me with a very worried and terrified look.

I could not answer him. Tears continued to flow. I did not understand what was going on. I did not understand what or why I was feeling this. I retreated to the corner of my room, curled up, and cried as Shinji watched me helplessly.

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end of chapter 2

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A/N: Thanks to those who took their time to review my work. I appreciate any feedback you guys would have for me. Tell me what you think.

A/N: In case you guys missed it, chapter one had been rewritten and the ending was changed.

Disclaimer: given


	3. Chapter 3

\m/

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**The Chain That Binds**

_- darksaber_

_

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Chapter 3

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I woke up to the beeping of my watch. It's time to go to her. The sun blinded my eyes as I lifted my head. As my sight cleared, I see that I am at the furthest corner of Asuka's room. At the opposite end, I see her curled up like child.

That's right. She woke up. There is no need to go to her anymore. She is right here in this room. She must have cried herself to sleep. I feel so powerless. I wish there was something I could have done last night. She must have had a terrible dream. I wonder what it was. Was it about her mother again? But if it was, why did she push me away? She looked so terrified.

Could she? No she couldn't have. But I do remember hearing somewhere that catatonic people sometimes maintain some kind of consciousness despite their state of mind. No, I should stop thinking about that. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'll ask her when I get the chance.

She is still asleep. I want to approach her. Maybe I should move her to her futon. I got up, and just as I was about to take a step towards her, I hesitated. I stood there frozen thinking about how terrified she was as she pushed me away. I'm afraid. I'm afraid she would hate me if I go near her. I'm afraid she hates me even now. Reluctantly, I turn around and left her room.

I think I'll just get breakfast ready instead. I cooked up some rice, miso soup, and a side dish of dried fish. As I began to set the table, I hear her door slowly open. I turn around and see Asuka come out her room.

"Good Morning Asuka" I say to her, forcing a smile.

She refuses to meet my gaze. She walked to the dining room table and sat down on her usual place. I hand her a bowl of steaming rice. And gave her a serving of miso and dried fish.

"Thank you..." Asuka finally says as I hand her breakfast.

I smiled at her and sat down. Food usually tastes better when dining with others. The dinner last night was the best meal I've had in a very long time. Right now though, breakfast was stale. I did not know what to do. I felt so self conscious. I sneak glimpses at Asuka, she seems to feel the same way. She still hasn't touched her food. I was getting worried.

"I'm.."

"I'M SORRY!" Asuka suddenly interrupted me just as I was about to say the same thing. "I pushed you away yesterday even though you were just trying to console me... I feel bad about that, so I'm sorry..."

"No... It's fine..." I nervously responded

It felt awkward again after her outburst. After a couple of seconds, Asuka finally started eating, and I followed suit and started eating again. The food technically tasted ok to me but somehow I seemed to have no appetite at all. I wonder if she feels the same.

"What happened last night?" I ask, finally mustering the courage to do so. The question must have startled her. She stopped eating, and her hand slowly dropped to the table. Maybe I should not have asked. I made the situation more awkward for her. I diverted my eyes and tried to focus on eating again.

"I... I just had a bad dream..." Asuka says to me.

"Oh..." I respond, I did not know what else to say to her.

Should I tell her everything is going to be ok? Is there anything I can do to comfort her? Since Asuka woke up from her catatonic sleep, I've wanted to make things good for her, so that in some way living with me won't be so bad. I'm so glad that she is awake and is now with me. I want it so she would somehow feel the same. But I it doesn't seem to be like that. Ever since she woke up, I feel uneasily helpless.

"Thank you for the food..." Asuka says as she got up

When she suddenly spoke I was taken aback. I sat there dumfounded as I watched her get up from the dining room table and walk to her room. I looked at her place on the table and see she had barely touched her food. Seeing that hurt me. I too lost the little appetite I had. I just got up, cleaned the table and threw away our leftovers.

After that I just stood there. I did not know what to do next. I stood there for a while until I decided to go around salvaging for supplies. We really are not low on supplies but I just had to get out of here. I walked to Asuka's room and knocked on her door. There was no reply.

"Asuka... I'm going out... Is there anything you'd want me to bring you back?" I asked her through the door. I suddenly heard a scuffle in the room. As the door opened Asuka came out almost bumping into me. Her face was suddenly just right in front of mine. She just stood there for a moment before suddenly backing away and looking away.

"You're... going out?" She asked me.

"Uh... Yeah, I was just thinking of scavenging us some stuff and was wondering if you wanted anything..." I apprehensively tell her.

"Can I..." Asuka started to say as she looked right at me.

She hesitated finishing what she was about to say and looked away. I wondered if she wanted to come with me.

"I mean get me some ice cream..." she says to me and quickly turned around and closed her door.

"Ice cream huh..." I say to myself as I stood facing her closed door.

I went out thinking where I could find ice cream. I figure some of the nearby convenience stores should still have some in stock. But I was not too sure since I haven't really looked into it. I've usually been getting preserved or canned foods since I really didn't want to spend time cooking for one person. But since she's with me now I figure I start getting the good stuff now.

I went to the closest store and checked their freezer. I was glad I found what I was looking for right away. But as I picked it up to find the flavour Asuka usually gets I found that they did not have it in stock. Disappointed I left the store and visited the next one. The next store did not have a freezer though. The store after that had a broken freezer. It was not until the seventh store that I found what I needed. I felt really lucky since not only did it have the flavour she prefers, but it was the brand she liked too.

I quickly placed it in a paper bag that I found in the counter and headed back. I was thrilled with my find. I had even forgotten that I my objective was to be scavenging for other stuff too. 'Surely this will bring up Asuka's spirit' I thought to myself.

As I was walked home, I felt as though I was being watched. I stopped and looked back. I found that no one was there. I must just be paranoid. It's only been me and Asuka, for how long now, I haven't encountered a single person. It didn't seem plausible for me that people would start appearing out of the blue.

I continued on my way. I walked faster. Even if I was just being paranoid I could not help but feel jumpy. Then I heard something crashing down. I looked back and see that a signboard had been knocked over. I look around and see no one. Maybe I wasn't paranoid.

If I wasn't paranoid, if there was some weird person tailing me, I was leading that person to Asuka. I quickly changed directions and headed another way. I know this place pretty well. Whoever this is, I'm going to corner him, find out who it is and lose him.

My stride went up to a sprint. I was sure I wasn't paranoid by now. I could hear someone running after me. I headed to this alley that would lead to a vacant lot, from there I could come up from behind. I reached the lot, from here I could sneak out through this hole in the screen mesh that has served as a fence. I went around intending to surprise whoever it is that's following me.

I ran back in the entrance that I just came in and found that the lot was empty. Did I just imagine all that? But I heard footsteps. I heard the signboard suddenly tipping over. Was I just hearing things? I headed to the middle of the lot. I looked around. I found no one. Annoyed by my own misgiving, I turned around to head back. Much to my astonishment, I was facing... I was facing Misato! I could not believe my eyes.

Could it really be her? It couldn't be her. I saw her die. She died to save me. Could she have for some reason survived? It really looks like Misato. Exactly how I remembered her. She is wearing the same uniform, same posture, same everything. But I could not help but doubt whether or not it really was her.

"Who... Who are you?" I finally managed to ask her

She looked straight at me. All the feelings of guilt and regret began to flood my mind. I wanted to apologize for failing her. I wanted her to really be Misato even if it does not seem possible. Then I see her smile and cross her arms. This was a pose that had burned into my memory, a pose I see her in when I remember her.

"I am who you want me to be." she replied

I was taken back. What does she mean? This is too weird. I was about to ask her what she meant when I got distracted by a crashing metal sound behind me. I look back and I see Asuka. She looked like she had toppled over from behind a huge metal trash can.

"Asuka!?" I asked utterly startled "What are you doing here?"

"Hey! It wasn't like I was following you the entire time!" she retorted back

"Huh? You were following me?" I asked puzzled

"NO!!! I said I wasn't! I was just bored and thought I'd take a walk." She replied defensively

I let out a sigh, I don't get her. I turn around again and saw that Misato was gone.

"Where did she go?" I asked as I looked around

"Who go?" Asuka asked me as she got up and dusted herself off.

"There was... I saw..." I tried to say but found myself stuttering

"No one's there Idiot! I'm pretty sure since I was spying you the entire time"

"Are you sure?" I ask her

"Yes I'm sure!" Asuka was losing her temper as she said that. "How did you know I was behind the trash can by the way?"

"I didn't know you were there"

"Shut up! I'm not stupid. You were asking who I was. As if it could have been someone else. You said it yourself that it's just us two left on earth" she replied with a scowl

She's right. We are the lone survivors. I suppose it was my imagination getting the best of me again. It looked so real, but logically it just does not seem to have been plausible. Somehow I was disappointed. A part of me had always wished more people survived. And the thought that someone close to me like Misato surviving made me wistful.

"Yeah, you're right. It's just us now." I admitted.

"So...Where's my ice cream" Asuka asks while diverting her gaze.

"Oh! Yeah, here it is..." I say to her holding it out as I walked towards her.

I forgot about her ice cream. It must have melted a bit by now. I hand it over to her and Asuka fervently takes it. She did not even look at what was in the paper bag.

"So... where to now?" Asuka asks me, still diverting her gaze from me.

"You want to head home now?" I ask

"No! Not yet! I told you I was bored there. Let's go somewhere else!"

I should have figured she wouldn't want to go home to that depressing apartment right away. I thought about it a bit and thought of a place I could take her.

"Hmm... I know of a nice place we can go to" I say to her

"Oh Really? Where would that be?" Asuka asked

"You'll see..." I say to her with a smile

"Tell me!" she insists, clearly intrigued.

I laughed as I lead her to the destination I had in mind. She followed me with a frown. She kept asking where we were going as we walked. I enjoyed teasing her. I found it really cute that she was like a child who kept asking if we were there yet.

The place I'm taking her is special to me. I'd often visit that place and when I do, I'd wish she was there with me. That day has finally come.

"The sea... is red..." Asuka says with a puzzle bewilderment in her eyes as we neared our destination "Is this the place you are taking me?" She asks still focused on the scenery.

"Basically yeah..." I replied "Let's walk a bit more, I know a good spot to just hang out..."

I took her right to the shore and I sat on the sand. Asuka was not able to resist her curiosity though. She went right to the waters and dabbed her hand on it.

"This feels like water..." She says as she cups a sample in her hand and examines it close.

"It tastes like sea water too..."

"You actually tasted this thing!?!?" Asuka cried out in shock

"Yeah, but it wasn't by choice" I say defensively to her

"Really now?" She asks with one of her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah..." I managed to reply

"I wonder why it's red..." Asuka asks herself as she let the water flow from her hand and back to the sea.

I fell silent after that. I was pondering if I should tell her more of what happened. I really feel uneasy thinking about it, much more talking about it. As I looked out into vast red sea, with the sun's rays bouncing off of it, making it took like a blanket of crystals, I decided that I should. She has the right to know.

"After the battle, I woke up almost drowning in that red sea..." I started saying. "I swallowed a ton of water and that's how I know it's salty..."

"Oh!" Asuka says she stood there, surprised by my sudden admission.

"I struggled and managed to get to shore..." I continued "And that's where I found you. Do you remember that?"

"... No, not really..." Asuka admitted

I pondered if I should continue. Should I tell her that I actually tried to kill her? That I was so full of rage and resentment for everything that I ended up choking her?

But in the other hand, I wanted to tell her that when she touched my cheek, all that hate, all that resentment, all of it just melted away. And I ended up sobbing as I held her in my arms.

She does not remember any of that. I feel saddened and relieved at the same time. I wanted to convey what I felt though. I wanted her to know how happy I was that she was with me, that her existence has been my only comfort in this world.

"This place..." I began again "has been special to me because this is where I found you. This is where I realized that I'm not alone."

Asuka was looking into the sea as I said that. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Does she find it weird that I felt that way? I was feeling nervous because of my confession.

"I don't remember anything at all..." Asuka says under her breath. I could feel her sadness in that sentence.

"You were actually awake for a bit when I found you... then for some reason you went into a catatonic state..."

I was surprised at myself. That was a slip. I didn't want to go into that. I'm starting to worry that she might remember my choking her.

"How long had I been like that?" She asks me, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Catatonic I mean..."

"I don't know, at first I was counting the days, and then I just lost count and basically gave up. I just watched the days go by..."

"That's stupid!" Asuka remarks with a frown

"I remember though, that after three days, you started to grow thin. I was very worried. Luckily, during the first time you were catatonic, Dr. Akagi fashioned this permanent pathway to your stomach. She designed it so it could easily be closed in case we had to move you in an emergency."

"Pathway!? To my stomach?" She repeated

"She... she never expected you'd wake up again. That's why everyone was so glad that you did at the time of the final battle."

"Oh? Everyone?" she asks, diverting her gaze once again. "Even.. Even the great idiot Shinji?"

"uhh... yes, of course..."

"So... So that's what at my side?" she asks me

"Yeah, didn't you notice that node there? You must have somehow wounded the skin near it when broke out of your feeding tube"

"It feels numb ok!" She yells out in her defence "And it hurts when you touch it!"

"It's numb and it hurts when you touch it?" I asked confused by her conflicting statement.

"Shut up!" She yells out as she turns her back on me.

"But as I said I was lucky that Dr. Akagi did what she did. Because of that pathway, I was able to connect you to the feeding tube at the hospital. Without that I'm afraid that I may have lost you..."

"Thank you..." Asuka says to me as her back was still turned.

"Huh? Why?" I asked

"I figured... That you must have been taking care of me all the while I was asleep."

I felt myself cringe as she mentioned that. True, I had cared for her all that time. But that was not the only thing I did. I found myself wishing hard she never finds that out.

"I'm sorry Shinji, for last night..." Asuka says as she turned and faced the sea again.

"No, as I said this morning, it's ok..."

"No it's not ok!" Asuka tells me as she towered over me and looked me straight at my face. "You've been so good to me since I woke up. And even before, though I mistreated you, you have always been there for me. And I just feel horrible."

"It's ok Asuka, everybody has done something that they regret." I say to her with the best smile I could muster.

"Even you?" she asks me with pleading eyes

"Yeah..." I say to her. 'Especially me' I said to myself as I was feeling guilt in me piling up.

Asuka smiled back at me though. And for an instant, I felt happy. I don't want to lose this. I have just reinforced my will to hide and even lie about the truth.

Asuka walked to my side, sat beside me and found herself wondering what she had in her hand. She must have had forgotten that she had me get ice cream for her. She opened the bag and took out its contents. And then, I'm not sure but, I think I saw her face flush.

"Strawberry..." I hear her whisper

"Sorry... That must be melted by now..." I say to her avoiding her gaze.

"No! It tastes better when it's melted a bit!" Asuka says as she opened it up. "or a lot" she adds as she sees the ice cream turned into sloppy goo. I felt happy as she gobbled it up anyway.

"You know..." Asuka starts to say as her hands holding the ice cream dropped to the sand. "I'm really sorry about last night..."

"I thought we were past that..."

"No!" Asuka quickly interrupts "I mean... Last night... I had a bad dream. I dreamt I was being violated. And no matter what I did, I found myself just doing nothing while this faceless guy was having his way with me. It was horrible"

I found myself unable to respond. My heart was racing. 'Does she know!? Has she known the entire time? I was cursing myself inside. I was in turmoil.

"But I shouldn't have done that to you. It was just a bad dream. That was all. You're kind Shinji and you have a good heart. You have a very gentle soul. You'd never do that. And I feel so bad even thinking ill of you and pushing you off like that."

My guilt was building up even more. I was afraid that it was showing in my face. I was afraid that I'd lose Asuka any minute now.

"Basically, what I wanted to say was that, I am so glad to have you with me in this world..." she softly says as found I myself forgetting everything and ended up lost in her eyes

The sun had started to set by now. Its rays bouncing off the red sea was a sight to behold. A breeze blew past us as I heard nothing but the waves of the sea and the beating of my heart.

Asuka moved her hand and rested it at the back of mine. I could not take my eyes off her. The setting sun's rays illuminated her face, and made her features look softer, much more alluring. With the glistening blue of her eyes, the radiating redness of her hair, the shape of her lips, her skin that seemed to glow in this light, I found myself feeling for her more and more.

The mood was just too perfect. I found myself being drawn closer and closer to her. I wanted to feel her lips against mine. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I wanted to feel her skin. I was wanting Asuka more and more.

Just as my lips were about to touch hers, I stopped. Something not quite right suddenly caught my peripheral vision. I turned to the sea to see a naked Ayanami standing half submerged in the water. I was stunned. Did she survive as well?! What is she doing there? Then I stopped myself. What if she is just another figment of my imagination like the non-existent Misato from before? Am I going mad!?

"Rei?!" Asuka shouts as she looks at her stunned.

"You see her too Asuka?" I asked thankful that I wasn't going crazy.

Asuka looked at me puzzled. I could see in her eyes that she wanted answers from me. I wanted to say something but I myself do not know what is going on.

"Ikari... Come with me." Ayanami suddenly says as she held out her hand calling for me.

I instinctively stood and headed for the blood red waters. It was as though I had been mesmerized. And just as my foot was about to go in, I was stopped. I looked back and I see Asuka with her hand tightly holding on to the back of my shirt.

"Don't... Don't go... Don't leave me..." She says to me with her voice trembling and her eyes pleading.

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End of Chapter 3

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A/N: Thanks for reading. How do you guys like it so far? Like it? Don't like it? Please tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: given

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\m/


	4. Chapter Special 35

The Chain That Binds

_darksaber_

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Chapter Special (3.5)

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'Did he see me?' I wondered.

My heart is pounding. I am out of breath. I had been chasing him. How did it get to this? It would have been easier for both of us if I had just come out and faced him. It would have been easier if I could just admit that I could not stand being alone in that apartment. It would have been easier if I could just admit that after he left I felt lonely.

I was lucky that I was able to hide. He had led me to this lot. I knew right away that he must have planned this. 'Stupid Shinji thinks he could outsmart me?! Does he know who he is dealing with?' These thoughts repeated in my head. But no matter how much I think that, it's me who can't help feeling stupid, cowering and unable to face him.

I hear his footsteps come nearer and nearer. My heart somehow beats faster as he draws closer. I carefully peeked and see that he is looking around. He looks puzzled. Good, it does not look like he spotted me.

'Shit! Just come out and greet him!' I think to myself. 'This is no big deal. This is just Shinji for Christ sake! Stupid, Idiotic, Shinji!'

I decided. I'll count to three and just come out. I'll just say that I just happened to be in the neighbourhood. Stupid! We live in the same apartment. I'll say I forgot something in the hospital. The hospital is at the opposite side of town. Oh no! He's turning back now. I have to do something! I'll count to three and I'll come out. I'll just say whatever comes to mind.

'One...' I started the count. I breathed in and out in an effort to calm my nerves. 'Two...' I clenched my fist, I am raring to go! 'Three!'

My eyes closed by itself as I got to the last number. I am struggling to say something, anything, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I opened my eyes and found that I haven't even budged from my spot. Still I was crouching behind this trashcan. I feel so stupid. I sneaked a peek at Shinji once more. He was just standing there with his back turned. He doesn't see, to be moving. I wonder what he is up to.

"Who... Who are you?" I hear Shinji suddenly say with his back turned.

I was startled. There's no one else here. He somehow knew I was hiding here? How did he know? I try to stand up. There's no use hiding anymore, right? He knows I'm here so why should I continue hiding?

Damn it. I still can't get myself to come out. My legs are starting to feel numb. I have been crouching here for a while now. I grab hold of what was closest to me so I could hoist myself up. But as I did that I accidentally knocked over the trashcan that had served as my cover. The crashing sound made such a ruckus that I ended up losing my balance and falling down.

"Asuka!?" Shinji says as he turned around clearly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey! It wasn't like I was following you the entire time!" I quickly responded. I was nervous. I still don't know why it turned out like this.

"Huh? You were following me?" Shinji asked as I see him look at me funny.

"NO!!! I said I wasn't, didn't I?! I was just bored so thought I'd take a walk or something." I answered back quickly, and just as quickly I thought how lame excuse my excuse was.

I see Shinji turn his face away from me and let out a sigh. I could pretty much tell that he's not buying it but like hell I would turn back on my story now.

"Where did she go?" he suddenly asks as looked around.

"Where did who go?" I ask as instinctively as I finally picked myself up, dusting off the dirt from my clothes, knees, and hands as I did so. All the while I was thinking about how this idiot didn't even bother to help me up.

"There was... I saw..." Shinji stuttered as he continued to search his surrounding, clearly looking for something.

"No one's there Idiot! I'm pretty sure since I was spying you the entire time" As soon as those words came out of my mouth I wanted to kick myself in the butt. I just basically admitted that I was following him the entire time. Shit.

"Are you sure?" he asks

"Yes I'm sure!" I barked back more forcefully than I intended. I was relieved that he did not catch on what I just confessed to doing. 'Good thing you really can be an Idiot sometimes Shinji...' I thought to myself.

"How did you know I was behind the trash can by the way?" I found myself thinking out load.

"I didn't know you were there" he answers back naively.

"Shut up! I'm not stupid. You were asking who I was. As if it could have been someone else. You said it yourself that it's just us two left on earth"

Somehow I found his innocent replies insulting. I was feeling foolish enough already. I once again thought about how I should get out of this situation. I wanted to just forget about the last few minutes of my life and just move on. I have to change the subject somehow.

"Yeah... You're right Asuka. It's just us now." Shinji suddenly answers sadly.

His reply got to me. Shinji didn't really do anything wrong but once again I've taken out my frustrations on him. This made me feel a bit guilty.

I then caught sight of the bag he was carrying. I had been following him as he went from one store to the next. I suspect it's what I had asked for. Actually I was thinking it had better be.

"So...Where's my ice cream" I asked him as innocently as I could

"Oh! Yeah, here it is..." He answers holding out the package.

I took it from him in one swoop. I really didn't want any ice cream but when he told me he was going out morning, my mind just suddenly went blank and I just blurted that out. I actually wanted to go with him but somehow I couldn't get myself to say that.

"So... where to now?" I asked him. For some reason I could not face him as I said those words.

"You want to head home now?" he asks

'Home?' I thought 'I didn't follow you all this time just to go back to that sad place we call home.'

"No! Not yet! I told you I was bored there. Let's go somewhere else!" I yelled out. It was a lot louder than I intended but I guess I just lost control.

"Hmm... I know of a nice place we can go to" Shinji says as his fingers play on his chin.

"Oh Really? Where would that be?" I asked quite intrigued.

"You'll see..." he says back with a smirk

"Tell me!" I yell back unable to hold in my curiosity.

Shinji just laughed off my question and started on his way. I followed him. We walked the streets with me purposefully nagging and pestering him about our destination. I was hoping that my persistence would annoy him so much that he would have no choice but to give in and tell me what I wanted to know.

My persistence seems to have the opposite effect though. I could clearly see that he was enjoying it. I was pissed off at first, but when I saw him smile at my expense, for a moment I forgot what I was pissed off about. My mind just went blank.

By the time I gathered my senses I stood before a scene that looked very beautiful and yet oddly bizarre. It took me a second to realize what was off though.

"The sea...is red..." I said as I looked on in awe.

I stood there for a while, just looking out into the horizon.

"Is this the place you are taking me?" I asked Shinji with my eyes still transfixed on the scene before me.

"Basically yeah..." I hear him say "Let's walk a bit more, I know a good spot to just hang out..."

I followed him once again. He led me straight to the shore. When we got there, Shinji just dropped down and sat on the sand. I however was more curious about what I see before me. I ran to the sea and I had to touch it. I had to physically examine this anomaly.

The sae water was cool, just like how it normally is. I cupped a sample and took a closer look. It felt like regular water. It was not thick as I had imagined based on the color of it. It was the color of blood, but it felt like water. It did not look as deep red though as it does when you look at it in its vastness

I wonder what Shinji thought when he first saw this. Was he surprised like me? Did he jump in the water? What was he thinking at that time?

"This feels like water..." I managed to say as I had the water in my cupped hand.

"It tastes like sea water too..." Shinji adds nonchalantly.

"You actually tasted this thing?!?" I cried out in disgust.

'This idiot' I thought. How could he taste this? The color is a sign that there has been some kind of change in the water. As far as we know it could have become poisonous. Why would he, in the right mind, taste this?

"Yeah, but it wasn't by choice" He quickly says as he waved his hands in front of him.

"Really now?" I say to him. 'What kind of idiotic excuse would you have for tasting something that looks so weird?' I thought to myself. 'Though I got to admit, if you put this in a glass, you would think it was some kind of juice or wine...'

"Yeah..." he replied again with this sadness that I can't quite comprehend.

Something must have happened here. Something here is reminding him of something bad. I wanted to ask him more about it but I could not get myself to do so.

I found myself looking again at the red water that I held in my hand. I had it flow from my hand and watched the red water cause ripples in the water that got over powered by the moving waves.

"I wonder why it's red..." I thought to myself.

The world is no longer the same as it was. That much I know. This redness in the sea is just beginning. I wonder what else had changed. Are all these things a kind of side effect due to the battles with the angels?

"After the battle, I woke up almost drowning in that red sea..." Shinji started to say with his head hung low "I swallowed a ton of water and that's how I know it's salty..."

"Oh!" I replied as what he said took me by surprise. It took me a second or so to comprehend the meaning of what he said. I found myself looking back at Shinji, talking that what happened to him must have really been distressing for him. So no matter how much I want to know, it does not seem right that I push him for answers.

"I struggled and managed to get to shore..." he continued "And that's where I found you. Do you remember that?"

"... No, not really" I replied

'Remember? I don't know.' For some reason, I just don't remember a lot of things. I began to think if I should remember. Maybe it's a good to forget. Especially if it just brings sadness, like what Shinji is feeling now. Is knowing what happened worth the sadness?

"This place..." he began to say "has been special to me because this is where I found you. This is where I realized that I'm not alone."

"I don't remember anything at all..." I say sadly.

"You were actually awake for a bit when I found you... then for some reason you went into a catatonic state..." Shinji continued

Not knowing. It's actually sad. Even if knowing makes you sad, forgetting about it does not seem to be any better. With what Shinji just said, I felt as though I'm missing something. I can't help but feel that a part of me is missing.

"How long had I been like that? Catatonic I mean..." I asked Shinji.

"I don't know, at first I was counting the days, and then I just lost count and basically gave up. I just watched the days go by..." Shinji says.

"That's stupid!" I quickly answer back, as I did, I had to turn my face away.

"I remember though, that after three days, you started to grow thin. I was very worried. Luckily, when you first became catatonic, Dr. Akagi fashioned this permanent pathway to your stomach. She designed it so it could easily be closed in case we had to move you in an emergency."

"Pathway!? To my stomach?" I say surprised as I instinctively looked to where I had been patched up.

"She... she never expected you'd wake up again. That's why everyone was so glad that you did at the time of the final battle." He continued.

"Oh? Everyone?" I asks as i began to feel my face flush "Even.. Even the great idiot Shinji?"

"Uhh... yes, of course..." Shinji says nervously

I then realized just what Shinji had told me. I was never expected to wake up. Maybe I never was supposed to wake up. What if I never did wake up? Would it have been better that way?

I wonder if there is still a point to all this. We are alone now. What else could we do here? My gaze then fell on Shinji. He still seems to be in deep contemplation.

Then for some reason, I remembered the look on Shinji's face when he first saw me back in the hospital. He looked very happy. He looked relieved. I then realize that my thoughts have been selfish thus far.

It must have been terribly lonely living here all alone. Shinji left me to get stuff this morning, and not 10 minutes past I ended up following him. How long did he have to endure that loneliness? I could only imagine.

It has been quiet for a bit now. Shinji seems to be in deep thought still. I wondered what he was thinking. He has his head hung low, I couldn't see his face. I was hoping to see if I could read his face. Or maybe see if the look on his eyes would give away what he is thinking. He was usually very easy to read before but I guess that changed as well.

"So... So that's what at my side?" I start again so as to break the silence.

"Yeah, didn't you notice that node there? You must have somehow wounded the skin by the node when broke out of your feeding tube" he answered back as he looked at me as if in disbelief.

"It feels numb ok!" I yell out in my defence "And it hurts when you touch it!"

"It's numb and it hurts when you touch it?" he asks with a smirk that I'd like to wipe off.

"Shut up!" I yell back at him. I somehow dug my own grave with what I just said.

"But as I said I was lucky that Dr. Akagi did what she did. Because of that pathway, I was able to connect you to the feeding tube at the hospital. Without that I'm afraid that I may have lost you..."

What he just said suddenly made me feel a bit warm inside. I guess this is how it feels to be wanted I guess. I realized then that Shinji hasn't only been taking care of me since I woke up. He has been taking care of me since he found me, in this very beach. I found myself wishing that I did remember what happened here.

"Thank you..." I say to him as I turned around again.

"Huh? Why?" he asked

"I figured... That you must have been taking care of me all the while I was asleep." I continued.

Then I remembered how I treated Shinji last night. That dream, it really bothered me. I woke up sweating and in tears. It was a nightmare. Naturally he'd be worried. But instead I pushed him away. I was scared then. But I realize that I shouldn't be scared of Shinji, the one who has been looking out for me, ever even from before.

"I'm sorry Shinji, for last night..." I finally managed to say.

"No, as I said this morning, it's ok..." Shinji replied with a smile.

"No it's not ok!" I said to him as I found myself charging right to his face "You've been so good to me since I woke up, and even before! Even though I always mistreated you before, you have always been there for me. And because of that I just feel horrible."

"It's ok Asuka, everybody has done something that they regret."

"Even you?" I found myself asking

"Yeah..." he says to me sadly

I wonder what he meant by that. I just made him feel worse with what I just said. What happened to have made him say that? I was still dying to ask. But I should probably wait for him to be the one to open up. But then again, maybe I'm just afraid to pry.

My attention suddenly turned to the package he gave me earlier. I almost forgot that I had it. It must be melted a bit for now. The fact that I had been trailing him earlier made me aware that he had to go visit a lot of stores to find this.

Honestly I thought he was such a chump to go all through that, especially since I really don't care for this. But I'm not so much of a bitch to have his hard work go to waste. I guess I better eat this now.

So I sat down next to Shinji and I took out the ice cream. I was stunned by what I found. I recognize what he had given me. This is actually the kind that I always got. Did he specifically look for this one? I could feel my heart skip a beat as I looked at what I had in my hand.

"Strawberry..." I found myself thought out loud

"Sorry... That must be melted by now..." he says with clear embarrassment

"No! It tastes better when it's melted a bit!" I said as I opened it up to find that the ice cream had completely liquefied.

"Or a lot" I added as I forced myself to smile.

I gobbled up my ice cream. Or drank it may be the proper term. I really enjoy this brand and this flavour. I think it is something with its taste and texture. I can't really point a finger on why but I could always taste the difference between this and other ice creams. I even used to gobble up boxes of this stuff on my own.

After I enjoyed my ice cream, I could not help but feel guilty again. Shinji is a good guy. But yesterday the way I treated him, it was as though I grouped him with the likes of that faceless man in my dream. I have no idea why I had those kinds of dreams, but I should have known that he isn't like that.

"You know... I really am sorry about last night..." I found myself saying again.

"I thought we were past that..."Shinji says sounding a bit annoyed

"No!" I quickly interrupt "I mean... Last night... I had a bad dream. I dreamt I was being violated by this faceless guy. And no matter what I did, I found myself just doing nothing while he was having his way with me. It was horrible"

I was feeling edgy as I told these things to Shinji. As I spoke, it was as if I was reliving what I had dreamt. I could feel myself tearing up. I wanted to stop and cry but I know I should go through with this.

My hands found itself on my arms. I didn't know until I had my hands on my arms that I was actually shaking. But despite this fear, I know that Shinji is the one person who I can trust. He is the one I can turn to. Well, right now he is the only person I can turn to.

"But I shouldn't have done that to you..." I continued. "It was just a bad dream. That was all. You're nice guy Shinji and you have a good heart. You have a very gentle soul. You'd never do that. And I feel so bad even thinking ill of you and pushing you off like that. Basically, what I wanted to say was that... I am glad you're with me in this world..."

Then I realized the truth in what I had just said. I am glad that I have Shinji with me. Being with him makes this strange and deserted world a bit more tolerable. Waking up may not be so bad after all.

I look out into the red sea and see that the sun was about to set. The view was so pretty that I could feel my heart ache looking at it. With the sea all sparkly and the wind brushing against my face, I realize that this world still has its good points.

I turn and see that Shinji is looking at the same sight. He has that look on his face again. This sad longing in his eyes, seeing him this way is starting to break my heart.

I don't know why but my hand ended up at the back of his. Our eyes met before I could take my hand away from his. I could feel my face heat up as I stared onto his eyes. I was frozen.

All thoughts just suddenly left my mind. He suddenly drew closer to me. I could feel my heart beating faster as he did that. I don't understand what's happening but what I don't understand more is why I didn't want it to stop.

I could feel my lips tingle in anticipation as I could almost feel his breath. The emotions going right through me now were becoming unbearable. My eyes closed as he was just inches away from me.

Then seconds passed and I felt nothing. Each second that went by seemed to be taking forever. It must have been a minute now and still nothing happened.

I wondered what was going on. I opened my eyes to see that Shinji was staring out into the sea with a look of total disbelief on his face. I turned to see what he saw and I too was shocked with what was there.

"Rei?!" I scream out completely astonished

"You see her too Asuka?" Shinji suddenly added.

What was she doing there? Is she naked? She is naked! What is going on? And what does Shinji mean I see her too? Of course I see her I thought to myself. I'm not blind. I turn to ask Shinji what was going but I was interrupted.

"Ikari... Come with me." Rei suddenly says as her hand reached out to Shinji.

* * *

End of Chapter Special (3.5)

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A/N: Sorry I know that I didn't post much more on what happens in the story. This was supposed to be part of chapter 4 but it ran kinda ran longer than I anticipated so I just split it in half and made the first part a chapter special since it had basically become a retelling of the 3rd chapter. Chapter 4 is actually basically done but I'll wait a bit before I publish it. Maybe I'll publish it in 24 hrs. I'll just do some polishing on it I guess. Again Thanks for reading and tell me what you guys think ok?

A/N: I was surprised to get a review from a reader, Osiris, who seems to have read an old abandoned work of mine titled "the sandman effect" that I published a very long time ago. I reread what I did there and honestly I was embarrassed by what I put up then, especially on how the later chapters turned out. But the story does have potential so, so as a shout out to Osiris(since I could not personally message you because you were not signed when you sent me your review), I might work on that again, but if I do, I would have to do a rewrite for it. But for now, I will have to focus on this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: given


	5. Chapter 4

**The Chain That Binds**

_darksaber_

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

"Ikari... Come with me."

I sat there in awe as Rei stood there naked with her body half submerged in the red sea. She was calling for him. I looked to my side and I see Shinji in some sort of a trance.

To see him like that made me uneasy. I wanted to smack him in the head. I wanted to call him the pervert that he is. I wanted him to snap out of it. I wanted him to remember that I am still here beside him.

But as much as I wanted to do those things, I just sat there frozen, unable to make a sound, unable to make a move. I felt helpless.

"You're going to lose him..." I hear a voice say out of nowhere.

Hearing those words snapped me out of my thoughts. At first I thought that maybe it was Rei who had said those words. But that voice did not belong to her, and furthermore, it sounded child-like. I looked around, searching for the source of that. But there was no one else around.

Just as I was about to ask Shinji if he heard that voice too, I found that he was already halfway towards the sea. I panicked. Am I really going to lose him? The thought of that scared me.

I found myself running to him, my hand outstretched as I rushed to reach him. Before he got to the water, I was able to grab hold of his shirt, when I did, I held on tight. I refuse to let him take another step. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Don't... Don't go... Don't leave me..." I stuttered as my hands began to shake as I held on to him.

"Asuka?" Shinji whispered as he tried to face me.

Before he could face me, I grabbed on to his back. Tears were now flowing from my eyes. This made me feel very self-conscious. I did not want him to see me, at least, in tears. So I held on to him tighter, tighter so he would not be able to face me, tighter so that I could stop him from seeing this pathetic expression on my face. But no matter how much I willed it, I could not hold back from sobbing.

What the voice had said really scared me. The thought of losing him made me feel unbearably lonely. I could not stop myself from holding on to him as hard as I could.

"Asuka..." I hear him say again

"No!" I quickly say "Don't go! I won't let you go!" I yell out as I held on to him even tighter.

"As..Asuka.." he says again.

I refused to listen, I refuse to let go. I don't want to even think about living alone in this world.

"I can't breathe..." Shinji says utters weakly.

As I realize what was going on, I felt incredibly embarrassed. I had held too tightly on to Shinji, to the point that I actually had him in a bear hug.

"Idiot!" I screamed as I quickly let go of Shinji.

I turned around and quickly covered my face. I could feel my face burning in shame. I could not believe what I just did. As I did that I heard a big splash happen behind me.

I quickly turned and looked at the direction of the sound. For some reason, my initial thoughts were that Rei had gotten a hold of Shinji and was taking him away from me. I was stunned and relieved at the same time to see Shinji soaking wet on the red sea.

Inadvertently, I had pushed him away from me and the force I used to do that may have been a bit excessive. I dropped to my knees and I found myself starting to giggle, I covered my mouth to cover it up, but then slowly it grew to become a laugh. I could not help myself as I looked at him drenched all over.

I could not understand myself though. I was laughing and yet I could still feel myself crying. Tears were flowing but I'm not sure if it is because Shinji looks real funny or because of the uncertainty and worry the voice made me feel.

"Thanks Asuka..." Shinji says with a pout on his face.

I could not help but find that look in his face endearing. I had finally managed to stop and calm myself down a bit. I could feel the tears dry up as the sea breeze brush against my face. The cool feeling that it left made me feel a bit more refreshed.

I watched Shinji get up, water dripped heavy from him as he did so. He walked to the shore dragging his soaked shoes. Each step he took made a squishing sound. It made him look silly. I could not help but smile as he, the best he could, rinsed the excess water off of his clothes.

"She's gone..." Shinji says as he looked back to where Rei had once stood.

I found myself not caring though. Logically I should also be thinking about this like Shinji. Rei had suddenly appeared. So we may have more survivors out there. Perhaps she holds answers to the questions that we have.

But with what the voice said, with what I felt as she called out to him, with what I felt as he walked toward her, I was strangely threatened. I could not understand why.

After drying up for a bit, Shinji sat back down beside me. I felt very self-conscious. I found it hard to look him in his face after my emotional outbreak earlier. At the corner of my eye, I could see that his gaze was still fixed towards the sea. As I see that, I could feel my heart sink for a bit. I could feel my eyes starting to tear again. I could still feel my face sticky from the tears that flowed earlier. I did not want him to see me cry. Not again.

I tried my best to stop my tears and I hurriedly ran and dove into the sea, this way the water would hide the tears that was about to come out. I ducked my head into the water, rubbing my hands against my face as I did so. As I emerged from the water, I pulled my head back so my hair would fall in place. As I looked to Shinji's direction, I mustered the best smile I could.

"There! I'm soaked too. We're even now" I said with a little laugh.

Shinji smiled back and held out his hand to help me out of the water.

"Don't worry Asuka..." Shinji says "I never was going anywhere..."

I could not help but feel happy with what he said. I found a real smile forming in my face as he helped me out of the water. Perhaps I was worried over nothing.

"Geez Asuka, we're going to catch a cold because of your antics" Shinji says as I took my turn to rinse off the sea water off my clothes.

"Idiot! It's all your fault you know!" I reply back while Shinji just laughed as I turned my back and continued to rinse off my clothes.

"Is it really a good thing you're still with him?" the same voice suddenly said as I just finished drying up my clothes the best I could.

I turned to where the voice came from and found a child standing right behind Shinji. That surprised me. But what surprised me more was that when I looked closer, she looked like me was as a child. She had my eyes, my hair, and even held to this teddy bear. The teddy that looked like my old favourite companion, the teddy that mama gave me before. The one that I thought was lost to me forever.

"Wha... What's going on..." I mumbled as my gazed fixed right on the blue eyes of the little red head before me.

"Asuka?" Shinji says to me as he waved his hand in front of me. "Are you ok?"

"Huh?" I asked, confused by what he meant

"I called your name, like a couple of times and you were just staring out in space..." Shinji says with a puzzled look on his face.

"What do you mean you idiot? Don't you see her?" I asked as I pointed to where the little girl was. As I my eyes looked to where I was pointing, I found nobody there.

"See who? Ayanami?" He asked innocently

"No! The little girl! I yelled to him. The mention of Rei had somehow pissed me off. "She was there just a second ago!"

"There no little girl there Asuka..." Shinji replied clearly worried.

"Stupid! I saw what I saw, I'm not--" I say as I begin to flare up, but before I could finish I was interrupted by a growling sound. I stop and felt my face flush as Shinji looked at me with a slight smirk on his face. I tried to continue what I was saying. But I ended up feeling too embarrassed to say anything.

"Let's go home Asuka. Let's get some dinner and some dry clothes. What do you say? I'll prepare anything you want for dinner..." Shinji says with a smile and his hand held out to me.

We headed home just as the sun had set and the moon was rising. The sky was clear; you could see the stars shine brightly, a sight not common in the city. The streets were lonely and quiet, it echoed with the sound of our footsteps. The walk home seemed to take longer than the time it took to us to get to the sea. Luckily for us, the night was not as cold as it usually was. So the night chill and our wet clothes were a bit more bearable.

The cold of night was bearable, but I could not help but from time to time breathe into the palm of my hands and rub them together. I turn to see that Shinji was not doing any better.

"It's Chilly huh?" Shinji says as he tries to warm himself up by rubbing his fists together.

"Yeah..." I respond as I warm my arms by rubbing my hands against them.

"So..." Shinji continues. "Maybe we should hold hands... You know to keep warm." Shinji says without taking his sight upfront.

I was surprised by Shinji's sudden offer. I could feel my face heat up and my heart skip a beat. I found myself looking at Shinji for a while before hastily turning my head away.

"You.. You wish!" I replied as I quickened my pace and made sure that my gaze won't meet his.

I could still feel my face flushing and my heart beating as we walked. I can't believe that Shinji just said that. But at the very least though, I don't feel that cold anymore.

As we continued our way home, I could see that it was as if Shinji was on a constant lookout. I'd see his eyes roam around, searching, especially when he thinks I am not looking. I could tell by the way he was acting that Shinji was still hoping to find Rei.

In a way, I feel the same as Shinji. I also would want to know how she survived, how she has been living, and why she hasn't shown herself to us all this time. Not only that, having more people around is going to be better than living with just one person, right? And who knows, she might be the key to finding, perhaps even more survivors!

I understand all that but I could not help but feel bothered. It all seemed a bit too suspicious for me. We'll for one thing, why hasn't she shown herself before today? Why did she call out, just for Shinji? I was there too. Why did she up and disappear like that? And why the hell was she naked?! Has she no shame? And the way Shinji just stood there and looked at her! It just makes me want to pound his perverted ass! And I thought for a moment there...

'For a moment what?' I suddenly thought to myself as I recalled what was happening by the shore, moments just before she suddenly showed up. What was just about to happen there? I thought to myself. Could I really like-

No, No, at that time I was just carried away. Anybody would get carried away too. With that ambience; the sun setting, the red sea in the background, the gentle ocean breeze, the cool sand, Shinji's face with an orange glow as the sun rays seems to have soften his features making him look so—

No! I'm thinking about this nonsense again! There is no way that could happen. No way that I could really feel this way. I secretly glanced at Shinji as we walked home. He hasn't spoken to me since. Did he take me not wanting to hold hands with him badly? Or is he bothered by Rei's sudden appearance that much? I felt a bit saddened by that thought.

With Rei suddenly appearing and then just as mysteriously disappearing, thoughts on how little I know and how strange this world has become were continually troubling me. I was finding the world I have woken to more and more bizarre as time goes on.

As I opened my mouth to call out his name, the little girl and what she said suddenly came to my mind. That is another weird thing that happened today. What exactly did she mean by that? Who is she? What does she mean by 'is it good he's with me?'? And why did she say that I'd lose Shinji if he goes to Rei? Looking back, I don't even really understand why I acted and felt the way I did.

When we got home, Shinji asked me what I would like to have. I just answered "Anything is ok". I immediately regret sounding cold but he just said "Okay" and smiled. I did not know what else to do so I decided to just take a bath as Shinji prepared our dinner.

After washing myself up, I stood naked and looked at my side. I carefully peeled the bandage and examined my wound. Sure enough, there was the node that Shinji mentioned, the one that Dr. Akagi put in. I see that the beige plastic node had a bit of bloodstain on it. I could not help but touch it. It does not sting as much as it did yesterday. My wound seemed to have closed so I went ahead and took another soak in the tub.

As I tried to relax in the steaming hot water, I found myself thinking about the same things over and over again; about this weird world, about Rei, about these feelings I get when I'm with Shinji, and about that mysterious little girl at the beach.

Before I realized it, I was feeling dizzy. I don't know if it's because I spent too much time soaking in the hot tub or if it's because I skipped on lunch. All I had today was the little I ate for breakfast and melted ice cream.

I stood up to leave the tub. As I did that I found blood trickling from my side. I looked closer and found that I had opened up my wound again. I was starting feel a little bit panicked, but before I could do anything the dizziness I felt just overwhelmed me and I could only feel myself fall to the ground.

I woke up and found myself lying down in by room. I spot Shinji and a tray with, what I could make out in the darkness, some kind of soup beside me. He must have fallen asleep as he sat there watching me.

I took up the soup and began to have my late dinner. The soup has gone cold but to me it still tasted very good. It must just be because I haven't had a full meal all day, maybe.

"Thank you for the meal..." I say under my breath as I put the empty bowl back down to the tray.

I found myself staring at the sleeping Shinji. He looked very peaceful as he slept. Without really thinking, I found myself running my fingers gently on his cheek. I quickly pulled my hand back as soon as I realized what I was doing.

What I was doing... What exactly was I doing? My face was flushed again, my heart beating faster. Why am I like this? Before I could give it more thought I found my hand touching his cheek once again. His cheek was quite smooth for a guy, but I could feel the stubble that had slowly been growing by his chin.

'He should shave this' I thought. 'But then again, you might look more manly with a little bit of hair on your face' I found myself giggle to myself as I imagined what he would look like. He might end up looking a bit like his dad. I could imagine the look on his face if I said that. He might end up shaving the thing off right away.

As I was giggled to myself with these thoughts, I see him move his lips a little. Did I wake him? I thought to myself. I held my breath as watched him for a minute.

He seems to still be fast asleep. My attention then drew to his lips. I remember that one time I forced a kiss on him. I know I was mean to have held his nose while I did so, but still I remember how I felt as I kissed him. I held my lips to his longer that I anticipated. I held on longer because I was waiting to feel something. But just when I started to feel at ease and feel something, he just had to break off the kiss. Looking back and laughing about it, that's what they usually say about things like these. It's more than that though. Those memories, right now, feel very precious to me. That was my first kiss.

I find myself fixated on his lips now.. His lips, how did it feel? I really could not tell last time. I tried to recall but all I remember was the rush and the nervousness I felt as I kissed him. I wonder how it's going to feel when I kiss him now.

Without really thinking about it, I found myself slowly drawing close to Shinji. My face was heating up. I could feel my heart beating. I instinctively wet my lips as I drew closer and closer. I could feel his warm breath now. It no longer bothers me though. His warm breath felt good as it warmed my skin that had been chilled by the night air.

My eyes closed as my lips gently touched his. His lips were unexpectedly soft. All these new emotions and feelings rushed through me. I became lost in my thoughts, lost in this kiss. This feels way better than the first time we did it.

Then I could feel Shinji's lips respond to mine. I was startled at first, but all my inhibitions just suddenly melted away as I just lost myself to this feeling that seems to be draining everything from my body, leaving only this contentment... This rush... This high...

I fell back as Shinji suddenly pushed me down to my futon. His lips didn't even leave mine as we fell. All I could think about was wanting more and more. My hands as though they had a mind of their own, held Shinji tighter and closer to me. His lips then started to wander; he began to run kisses on my cheek down to the nape of my neck. It felt really good to feel his lips gently caressing my skin. And as his lips touched my neck, I could not help but moan as the sensation of his touch ran through my body. Then all of a sudden, Shinji stopped. I slowly opened my eyes to see why and found Shinji looking at me.

"I- I'm not dreaming..." Shinji mutters

I found myself without words to what he said. I didn't know how to react. I have this desire to just pull him in so we can continue what we had already started but as much as I wanted to do that, I just lay there frozen.

"I-I'm sorry for that Asuka, I must have been delirious. I just woke up, I'm sorry!" Shinji sputtered as he quickly got up. He almost stumbled on the bowl and tray that he brought as he did so.

"Oh! You had the soup already? Was it good?" He asked nervously

I could only nod as my reply

"We'll I better clean this up! Call me if you need anything alright?" He said as he tensely went out with the tray and bowl.

I was left there frozen in the darkness, lingering on the effects of that kiss I had shared with Shinji. My hands instinctively touched my lips. It was as if I still felt him there. I could still feel the beating of my heart. I could still feel the rush I had felt on my veins. I found my eyes looking to my door, hoping for Shinji to come back soon.

"You're enjoying yourself a bit too much big sister" a voice suddenly said.

It's that voice again! I look around and I realize that the voice came from the shadows.

"Having fun?" the voice said as the little girl appeared from the darkness and walked towards me.

I sat up; I felt anxious as I looked at the little girls blue eyes.

"Asuka? How are you feeling?" Shinji suddenly says as his head popped into the open door of my room. "Can I come in?" he added

I looked at Shinji, unable to voice my concern on what stood before me.

"Are you ok?" Shinji says as he quickly went in the room.

He walked right into the room and was headed to where the little girl stood. My hand rose up as if to stop Shinji from bumping into the little girl, but Shinji just walked right through her. It was as if she was a ghost or something. I was stunned. I kept thinking 'What the hell is going on?'

"Asuka? Are you alright?" Shinji repeated. "You look really pale..."

"As you probably figured out by now Big Sister, You're the only one who can see me..." the little girl says with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Asuka?" Shinji repeats again, clearly concerned.

I found myself nervously looking at the troubled Shinji and the impish little girl that stood just behind him.

"Asuka? Answer me, please..." Shinji begged "Is it because of what happened? I'm sorry, I really don't know what happened back there..."

I could feel myself tearing up. I don't get what's happening. Am I dreaming? I was confused. I was getting scared.

"Asuka?" Shinji says as he looked at me pleadingly with his eyes. He then gently moved his hand to my shoulder. I could feel his hand tremble as he did so.

"Does his gentle touch remind you of something Big Sister?" the little girl teased with this evil smirk on her face.

And just like that, my head was filled with visions of the nightmare I had just the night before. I held on to my head, as the surge of images from that dream bombarded my thoughts.

I then see the faceless man coming closer and closer to me. I wanted to escape from this nightmare. Is this really a dream? I must be dreaming! This is just so unreal! The faceless man's hands started to draw near to my face. He was reaching out to me. I could feel my spine shudder at the thought of his imminent touch. I was petrified. Then my vision suddenly cleared as the faceless man's hands cupped my cheek. And in the place of the faceless man was Shinji.

"Asuka?" Shinji pleaded.

I could feel my entire body shuddering. I could only voice out one thing as I sat there petrified of the gaze of the imploring Shinji and the menacing looking little girl.

"Leave me alone..." I slowly whisper with my lips trembling.

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End Chapter 4

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A/N: There you go, Chapter 4. Hope you guys liked that one. Again, thanks for reading. Send me your reviews and tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: given


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